US Military asks troops for 'creative and unconventional' ideas to punish Iran

8/4/2026 at 1:48:21 PM

Turn all the under-mountain missile cities into super-mega-mall-cities with Whole Foods, McDonalds, indoor shooting ranges, nail salons, super-walmarts, hotels, apartments, casinos, mega strip clubs and free e-bikes to get from business to business as the tunnels go on for miles. Free unlimited, uncensored WiFi, everywhere. Air conditioning, everywhere. Make each section walking-friendly. Import millions of tourists. Free around-the-clock child care. Customer service center at every entrance with scantily clad male and female greeters that know how to say "I Love You" in every language. Free insulated water bottles with US and Iranian flag logos and unlimited free refills of any drink. Adult VR video viewing massage booths in every tunnel. Free DMT IV drip booths. Free Carls Jr. vending machines. Free trains, busses and camels that transport or relocate people from their homes to the apartments or hotels in the tunnels. Free health spa. Free tattoos with exotic inks that glow. VIP tunnels for wealthy tourists that lead directly to underground high security parking for the casinos with VIP casino entrance and private rooms. Sulfur hot tubs. Medical spa with full time doctors and nurses, waiting room has VR video games.

How to pay for this? Sell their boring equipment. They can bore through solid granite at a relatively high speed. It should cover all of the above for years. After that runs out augment funds with some oil revenue. Get investors from around the world. Convert Iran into the tourist capital of the world and the place of least regulations. Or keep the boring equipment and keep adding new businesses, hotels and apartments.

Most Iranian civilians should enjoy. Some IRGC may be turned. The ones that are not turned will not be able to resist checking it out. Some will come around with time. It's on Mossad to get the remaining hold-outs into a DMT and/or massage booth.

Veteran, not active duty. Hope it still counts.

by Bender

8/4/2026 at 4:29:42 PM

There would be much time for breeding prodigiously, with a ratio of say 10 females to each male. Could be selected by a computer.

by emchammer

8/4/2026 at 3:33:54 PM

This sounds like an abandoned Async ad for the backrooms.

by AnonymousPlanet

8/4/2026 at 2:33:24 PM

Uh the problem is Iranians have no purchasing power because of runaway inflation due to crushing US-imposed sanctions. None of the above would be possible without first ending sanctions.

by burnt-resistor

8/4/2026 at 3:09:30 PM

Sanctions where circumvented by russia and china. The economic malaise was caused by using the oil wealth to fund proxxies.

by cineticdaffodil

8/4/2026 at 2:34:48 PM

Ending sanctions would be part of the deal and of course required to sell the boring equipment and to get oil revenue fully back online.

by Bender

8/4/2026 at 5:37:33 PM

I should add, maybe give each family $100k. $500k to each family that lost kids in that school.

by Bender

8/4/2026 at 3:16:45 PM

To punish them for being invaded by us? The abuser saying "Why did you make me hit you?"

by BugsJustFindMe

8/4/2026 at 4:52:45 PM

Even if one is against bombing Iran on account of its civilians, one shouldn't act like Iran under its current rulers is a peace-loving nation that keeps to itself. I'll join the chorus if Trump bombs Greenland or Canada.

by thomassmith65

8/4/2026 at 7:12:13 PM

You can say that about most US allies in the middle-east. I don't see the US waging war on them.

by lenkite

8/4/2026 at 5:52:59 PM

> one shouldn't act like Iran under its current rulers is a peace-loving nation that keeps to itself.

I guess the US should be bombed too by that logic.

by BugsJustFindMe

8/4/2026 at 4:26:32 PM

We had to destroy the village to save it.

by pstuart

8/4/2026 at 12:50:12 PM

>“We are looking for new creative and unconventional ways to pressure and punish Iran,” an officer in US Central Command’s intelligence branch wrote in a message sent Wednesday to a broad group of military analysts, according to a source familiar with the message. A second source also said that a senior US military officer sent the message last week soliciting new ideas for how to deal with Iran.

Still somewhat better than just asking ChatGPT, I guess?

by bushwart

8/4/2026 at 2:26:31 PM

They've been doing that (ask an LLM) since the start, and look at how much "success" we've had!

by Tostino

8/4/2026 at 8:46:24 PM

The big question is why ask meatbags for creative solutions, when they have access to these WMDs like mythos?

by szopin

8/4/2026 at 3:27:51 PM

Re-route all phone traffic to Comcast Customer Service.

by RaftPeople

8/4/2026 at 3:44:36 PM

You have no idea what you've unleashed. What if this is actually done? They said "punish", not eternal damnation! Somehow, we must prevent CENTCOM from finding this comment. We can get away with abducting Venezuelan presidents, even prejudicial executions of narco sailors, but this would set a precedent the world cannot afford.

And I think you should consider some serious self reflection. If you are having such extreme ideation, you may need help.

by eth0up

8/4/2026 at 2:57:35 PM

Someone who had no idea where he was getting himself into has no idea how to leave.

by q8zd3

8/4/2026 at 2:23:55 PM

Airdrop Hershey’s chocolate over Tehran.

by seanhunter

8/4/2026 at 2:31:49 PM

Modern post-enshittification Hershey's chocolate is a war crime for being awful.

by burnt-resistor

8/4/2026 at 2:40:49 PM

Is it even legal to call that “chocolate adjacent product” chocolate in Europe.

by nothercastle

8/4/2026 at 3:22:31 PM

"chocolate product", these days, or so it seems.

by eshack94

8/4/2026 at 2:32:01 PM

Here is an idea: the only way to win is a large and extremely costly invasion, actual troops on the ground for probably a decade.

Nobody wants to pay that price. It was insane to start this war, and everybody knew it but Netanyahu and Trump. I can't believe Rubio was stupid enough to go along with it.

by amanaplanacanal

8/4/2026 at 2:36:39 PM

American exceptionalism is a poison to the mind. Elect people who are "true believers", and this is the expected outcome.

by Tostino

8/4/2026 at 4:29:21 PM

What every admin in this century has done is to avoid declaring what construes "winning" -- which is rather convenient to them as far as how they are to be judged on waging that war.

by pstuart

8/4/2026 at 4:22:26 PM

The easiest weapon to use is demographics: Offer a visa to any Iranian woman under 25.

by a34729t

8/4/2026 at 1:40:55 PM

Bomb some (more) schools.

Thats bound to punish them and win hearts and minds.

by blitzar

8/4/2026 at 2:29:27 PM

Blast Ted Nugent at them.

by burnt-resistor

8/4/2026 at 3:06:29 PM

Air drop kid rock on Tehran

by lokar

8/4/2026 at 3:22:10 PM

Without a parachute. win-win.

by IamtheBulldog

8/4/2026 at 3:36:50 PM

Send Trump to Iran. Inside a gift box with a fancy bow. Iran destruction guaranteed.

If you don't believe me, look at the ruins formerly called White House

There is a chance that the ground will open and the strait water will become lava, but is a risk that I'm willing to take

by pvaldes

8/4/2026 at 1:47:58 PM

Could be deliberate theater. The real plan is a containment and a slow economic collapse of Iran anyway.

If the EU and Japan pay higher energy costs, that is an added bonus for Trump.

by ftlps

8/4/2026 at 2:20:21 PM

You say 'The Real Plan' like there was any amount of planning done in the first place. We've now found ourselves on top of a bucking bronco, with every 'exit' looking worse than previous status quo.

by dnemmers

8/4/2026 at 3:25:23 PM

There are short term and long term plans. The long term plans are:

- Remove Ghaddafi and have chaos in Libya (accomplished).

- Remove Saddam and have chaos in Iraq (accomplished).

- Install a puppet regime in Egypt and suppress the muslim brotherhood (accomplished).

- Remove Assad and install an ex al-Qaeda (note the irony) puppet (accomplished).

- Have regime change in Iran (ongoing).

Syria took nearly a decade. The US does not need outright military victory, it uses proxies and will at some point try to activate the Kurds or someone else.

If Iran is destabilized enough to undermine the Caspian Sea coalition and get the resources of Turkmenistan, that is also a victory. Unless the other theory is right and the US wants to export its resources first.

We don't know the exact plans, but the grand scheme is not Trump's idea. It goes back to the Bush era.

It can be true that Trump was the useful idiot who actually signed off the Iran plan, which another president may not have done. But the plans are there, including Caspian sea plans from decades ago.

by 129486218

8/4/2026 at 4:01:56 PM

Or there is no long term plan. Every leader is just larping as Leeroy Jenkins for short term political points which sometimes works (Crimea 2014) but unfortunately for Trump, Israel had wrong intel and whole assumption of regime change in Iran was build on invalid data.

Kind of like Russians storming into Ukraine in 2022 thinking that it is Prague 1968 but it turned out into Afghanistan 1979 and then slowly mutated into World War 1 1914

by general1465

8/4/2026 at 9:35:21 PM

The only two people here still defending Trump's Iran war are doing it from fresh throwaway accounts. It's not looking good.

by Sabinus

8/4/2026 at 2:03:30 PM

> Could be deliberate theater. The real plan is a containment and a slow economic collapse of Iran anyway.

Doesn't seem like there's a coherent plan. What you are saying is the old plan from long before Trump, that was torpedoed. Going back to that is saying they've failed in whatever this was.

Also that is iran's plan as well, survive while the US suffers and eventually gives up like Vietnam ...

> If the EU and Japan pay higher energy costs, that is an added bonus for Trump.

US also pays added costs... and Trump is hurting from that

The only one profiting is China since they've mostly transitioned away from oil...

by mittensc

8/4/2026 at 2:23:59 PM

> The only one profiting is China since they've mostly transitioned away from oil...

They had to use their own oil reserves to regulate the market, where they win is in soft power

by elias_t

8/4/2026 at 3:08:23 PM

> soft power

hows that going for them?

by dnautics

8/4/2026 at 3:42:10 PM

> hows that going for them?

"In its July 15 report — based on interviews with more than forty-two thousand people across thirty-six countries — Pew found that China is now viewed more favorably than the United States in most nations surveyed." [0]

[0] https://www.cfr.org/articles/china-now-outranks-the-united-s...

by elias_t

8/4/2026 at 2:56:07 PM

> The real plan is a containment and a slow economic collapse of Iran anyway.

Quite optimistic to assume that there ever was a plan. Reminds me of the '4D chess' masterminds sitting in the Kremlin.

by flohofwoe

8/4/2026 at 1:55:03 PM

Because isolation totally works, looks at Cuba and North Korea

by delfinom

8/4/2026 at 5:02:46 PM

And Iran, for that matter

by advisedwang

8/4/2026 at 4:20:07 PM

I mean, it sorta works; but, only because of sheer luck. Both of those countries have no real power. Cuba, in particular, has negative value on the global scene and NK only has somewhat empty threats of nuclear weapons. The only true fear is dealing with NK's populace flooding into SK or China during any regime collapse.

by garciasn

8/4/2026 at 3:59:44 PM

>"US Military asks troops for 'creative and unconventional' ideas to punish Iran"

I don't know, how about:

make peace with them?

?

(I'm guessing that that idea is either too creative and/or too unconventional to be considered! :-) (And yes, I am bracing for the disingenuous one or two line bot comments and downvotes!))

by peter_d_sherman

8/4/2026 at 5:25:12 PM

[dead]

by cindyllm