7/30/2026 at 3:16:19 PM
The end of interest-based 3rd places is one of the many things contributing to the compartmentalization / socioeconomic bubble of modern society.People used to frequent in person things like specialty retailers, arcades, hobby clubs, religious groups, etc. When you meet real life people in person based on shared interests, you make connections across socioeconomic groups.
I just don't see nearly as much of this in todays society as 20+ years ago.
People with kids sometimes experience this via all the activities they take their kids to, but even there a lot of kids activities have become economically stratified. Instead of playing in the local $50/year rec baseball league, there's tiers of travel teams to meet any budget.
by steveBK123
7/30/2026 at 3:29:00 PM
> People with kids sometimes experience this via all the activities they take their kids toThis is something welcome I didn’t expect to come from parenthood. Like many others I had thought to myself “how do you even make new friends in your thirties?!” and then once I had kids… bam. New friendship groups.
For us the local park and playground are a great equalizer in terms of economic stratification. But when the weather turns bad it rears its head again as people head to $50 a go trampoline parks and the like.
Public school is another unifier, of course. I’m in NYC and our preschool was very obviously not a reflection of the neighborhood or city around us. But once my kids entered the city-funded Pre-K they started to meet a ton of kids from different backgrounds. It’s very different from the childhood I had but I’m very glad my kids have it.
by afavour
7/30/2026 at 3:53:37 PM
I kind of experienced that but the relationships were more superficial than I'd have liked. If the "shared interest" is happy kids together it doesn't directly translate to the adults shared interests. But then again, maybe it was just me being me.by pstuart
7/30/2026 at 8:49:31 PM
It's a good jumping off point, but becoming friends requires time and work.When we're young, we have nothing but time spent together. As adults, who spend an hour at the local park with some kids, those relationships require more effort to grow.
We have a few friends we've made through our kid, and it definitely takes more work to maintain - but it's been very worth it so far.
by pavel_lishin
7/30/2026 at 7:06:37 PM
Same, the relationships were all sort of "convenience" relationships that were dependent on the kids activities to sustain. Once the kids were older, or their interests changed, and there wasn't a scheduled game or event to bring everyone together, those relationships just evaporated.by SoftTalker
7/30/2026 at 3:40:34 PM
Putnam's "Bowling Alone" (2000) is about this, and it is something that has been in decline since the 1950s: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bowling_Alone.by 01284a7e
7/30/2026 at 4:02:26 PM
Yea, agreed completely here.I spent so many hours at our local mall with my friends growing up. It had an arcade, a movie theater, book store, game store, place to eat. Our parents could just drop us there for hours. Skating rinks and bowling alleys were also a solid option.
It's one of the things that make it worth the time investment to follow sports, even if you're typically not interested in it. Getting people together to watch the game, go to games, tailgate, etc is huge.
by brightball
7/30/2026 at 3:49:08 PM
The internet has largely replaced / substituted this, which has been a mixed thing. Like minded people in smaller niches have been able to find each other online for example, much more than IRL, and much more at long range / internationally. It's made the world a smaller place, at the cost of knowing people closer to home.by Cthulhu_
7/30/2026 at 4:42:14 PM
It’s been a disaster.It sounds good in principle. And I was very excited when discovering the Internet (Usenet) and a place to discuss all my geeky interests with many similar minded people.
However, now that the Internet has so overpowered in person relationships across the board, the cost in mental health, anxiety and general unhappiness is staggering.
by jimbokun
7/30/2026 at 6:51:22 PM
It's not an all-or-nothing.If you live in a society that really devalues everything you like, having that online outlet is the difference between giving up on life[1], and being passionate.
Imagine being told you're broken because you like books, movies, and video games, and having almost every aspect of society reinforce that message.
[1] Not in the suicide sense, but in the "Life will always suck" sense.
by BeetleB
7/30/2026 at 7:30:59 PM
I was that kid.Going to a university in a city helped a lot with that. Long conversations about comic books with friends, going to the nearby comics store on new release day with lots of other nerds, etc.
I’m no longer convinced adding the Internet to that has been a net positive. Maybe if we could have froze its growth and development at some specific point…?
by jimbokun
7/30/2026 at 8:49:43 PM
Discord has done wonders for gaming shops keeping people connected and organizing in between weekly game sessions.Meetup could be superceded by the hitch/tinder model to organize activities with individuals over scheduled events ran by organizers.
by mckee_plus_plus
7/30/2026 at 8:12:32 PM
It helps before you get to university, and once you leave. The place you live for work may have very few people with similar interests.by BeetleB
7/30/2026 at 5:24:22 PM
Agree. I think it might have been okay if the Internet had stayed in the naïve form it had circa 2003. In those days, I had a circle of friends on LiveJournal (the closer of which became AIM buddies as well) and I think we all derived huge positive benefits from having that in our lives.The shift to the algorithmic "Feed" established adversarial incentives across the board - the platforms are incentivized to addict and enrage, the individuals are incentivized not to be vulnerable for friends, but to be viral and get approval of the public, since if your posts don't perform for strangers, the algorithm won't even show them to your closest friends.
The Internet gave us an easier way to make "friends" with no apparent downsides, only to rugpull us all as soon as most of the 'pre-Internet' places and social habits had been completely destroyed. Now we are all obviously lonely and hate the Internet mess, but whole generations are now too awkward to even speak to others in person, just from lack of experience.
by xp84
7/30/2026 at 5:03:04 PM
>It’s been a disaster.It wasn't a disaster until megaplatforms came alone.
by cucumber3732842
7/30/2026 at 7:13:44 PM
It's always this way. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, et. al. killed the social internet, as Amazon and Walmart killed the mom-and-pop retailers, as Blockbuster killed the local video stores (but then Netflix killed Blockbuster).by SoftTalker
7/30/2026 at 6:26:43 PM
Because back then the Internet was a hobby itself. Normal people(for a lack of better word) mostly weren't online.by Gud
7/30/2026 at 7:32:00 PM
Yes but that’s my point. Taken as a whole it’s been a net negative.by jimbokun
7/30/2026 at 4:04:00 PM
I think its made relationships more short term and superficial.We may recognize a handle on a forum, but most of the time we don't know anything about the other person other than a narrow part of their interests.
by steveBK123
7/30/2026 at 4:38:29 PM
I sometimes wonder if it was all worth it. What if we banned/rolled back the internet? Would we go back to more small-town-like community, and again have the nerd minority who "can't wait to get out of this place?" It feels like the current tech landscape is a reaction to that environment.by foobarian
7/30/2026 at 4:44:23 PM
I would.And I’m the nerd minority who “couldn’t wait to get out of this place.”
Now, I would still go to a big city where I could find people with similar interests. But the cost to society of all the Internet has wrought has been far too high.
by jimbokun
7/30/2026 at 5:44:43 PM
It's a societal problem, mainly in the West. Many cultures around the world don't have this issue.When I was living in Iran, we didn't need a hobby club to meet people, you just picked up the phone and everyone came over. I have vivid memories of going on trips with 5 cars filled with people
When I went to Peru with my wife to meet her extended family, it was very similar. Heck you can just randomly talk to people and meet them. At 9PM, the streets are exploding with people in Arequipa or Tehran.
The biggest difference is that in the West, people have the idea of "personal space", which doesn't really exist in some culture. People are seen more as one, rather than many. Of course this has its own downsides, but I suppose nothing is perfect.
by swat535
7/30/2026 at 8:56:03 PM
You picked up the phone and everyone came over, that’s cool. What number did you call? Was this a public service of some sort?by ohyoutravel