>I gave feedback on how someone comes across and recommended how to fix it.Give that feedback to your mother and your best friend and you know how they'll take it. You know that shit doesn't work.
You didn't give any feedback. You're playing a dominance game. Feedback is only camouflage. Just like how me calling you our for this isn't really feedback either. You're not going to turn around and say lesson learned. You're going to be resistant. You're going to play a dominance game. First rule is to play it cool and call the other person emotional and tell them to calm down, check out exhibit A:
>You seem pretty worked up over this. Maybe a good time to step back from the computer and consider whether it’s worth the emotional energy.
Totally wrong. I barely feel anything. I'm just lecturing you and calling you out. This costs me nothing. What you're doing here is another dominance game, very tactical and calculated. When someone is clearly distressed and you call out their distress as invalid ("calm down") and that kind of shit... it's deliberately dismissive and never works.
What you should say is: "Hey I'm sorry, I shouldn't of said something that was so abrasive that got you worked up." That statement actually works. Validating someones distress is how you end someones distress, not dismissing it. But then you know this, that's why you don't play these games with your friends or your boss or your parents.
>Your imagined scenario seems mostly fine, though I did give more direct advice than “go read some books.” If someone in my personal or professional gave me that feedback I might feel self-conscious, but I’d also appreciate it!
Oh so you talk like that to your friends, mother and boss? Good to know.