> They want it their way, despite there being multiple ways to Rome, and will cut off the conversation with orders, not argumentsI don't know about your experiences, but insisting on this point can be a death sentence. I've spent most of my career as "technical lead", carefully building an approach that works for what my team does based on an underlying theory that is very difficult to verbalize. I've found through experience that when I feel like the project is aligned with this theory, the project goes very well, and when it's not, it doesn't. I've considered thousands of small tradeoffs over 15+ years of developing these ideas.
At this point in my career, I've found that trying to explain the rationale behind my decisions is a losing game. It's a careful balance of a thousand factors that I'm constantly weighing and adjusting. If people share my goals and are interested in learning, great! I'll make some time to talk through parts of the theory with them. But it's not always during project time -- sometimes you just have to trust me.
Yes, you thought of six different ways to do it -- I probably also thought of those ways. I'd love to live in a world where we can have a quick conversation about them and then all agree on the path forward, but that's not how it works. In reality, whoever I'm talking to goes into "argument mode", focuses on irrelevant details, argues about the names of things instead of their substance, takes things personally, feels ownership of whichever idea they came up with first, etc. They say they just want to learn, then they expect me to transmit 15+ years of thinking into their brains in a short conversation, while they argue with me on every little point.
There are a thousand ways to do anything, which means it's critically important to reject most ideas immediately. That often means hurt feelings. It's just better to have the person with the vision making the decision. If you don't want to go with my vision, my theory, that's fine: go with someone else's. One other person's vision, and then don't argue with that person either.
Of course there is room for discussion, feedback, learning, and debate, but this may be better done "off cycle".