alt.hn

6/10/2026 at 5:01:31 AM

Firewood Splitting Simulator

 https://screen.toys/firewood/

by memalign

6/14/2026 at 5:21:35 PM

This is kinda fun, but doesn't match most of my experience splitting firewood.

The wood barely moves after it's split. If you split it perfectly, the two halves will almost certainly both fall to each side (they're pushed outwards by the axe).

You can't just randomly split it across the grain into slices like you're slicing bread.

I guess mostly: it's not tiring, which sort of sucks when you're doing it for real, but it is satisfying. This doesn't scratch that itch for me, but I guess it's fun in a way, similar to that cleaning simulator thing.

by CamouflagedKiwi

6/14/2026 at 5:23:00 PM

this is the most hacker news comment possible

by scottcorgan

6/14/2026 at 6:27:46 PM

I miss the part where the axe gets stuck and you hsve tovturn it over. I found it well made and deeply satisfying

by warumdarum

6/14/2026 at 6:24:40 PM

I see the grouchy pedantic twat simulator has arrived.

by jkskkm

6/14/2026 at 6:10:40 PM

> If you split it perfectly, the two halves will almost certainly both fall to each side

Just put it in a old small tire :)

by JodieBenitez

6/14/2026 at 5:55:30 PM

I only like splitting perfectly seasoned wood ( I do about a face cord every summer/fall). Otherwise it’s just too much work. Got any tips in to tooling? I use a maul.

by apercu

6/14/2026 at 2:37:31 PM

People here seem a little confused. This is a simulator in the same way Goat Simulator is a simulator. It’s from a collection called “screen toys” and it’s meant to be mindless fun.

by bicx

6/14/2026 at 2:50:11 PM

Here here. This was a joy to wake up to and wish I hadn’t stumbled into the comments.

by binoct

6/14/2026 at 4:32:07 PM

And this is HN, its acting as its meant to xD

by pranavm27

6/14/2026 at 3:48:54 PM

There was this old Piers Anthony short story about a little kid who likes playing with his dad's wood-splitting kit. He's a little kid so he doesn't handle an axe, but he does use adzes, hatchets, I dunno stuff I don't remember now[1]. Anyway he gets kidnapped by aliens and gets to join a great intergalactic wood-splitting competition. I won't ruin it but maybe if you get really good at this simulation you could be next.

[1] https://www.isfdb.org/cgi-bin/title.cgi?46184

by troyvit

6/14/2026 at 4:10:35 PM

Haha this is also the plot of The Last Starfighter but with video games. I wonder if the screenwriter was familiar with it.

by conception

6/14/2026 at 5:02:23 PM

Damn I loved that movie!

by jcims

6/14/2026 at 3:30:44 PM

This is HN I'd like to see more of.

Mocking too nerdy gripes on "simulator" accuracy, sharing some real world experience with physical things beyond the screen frames, and on in the same vein.

A breath of fresh air, really, in the prevailing AI smog.

by wartywhoa23

6/14/2026 at 4:37:20 PM

FWIW, the creator’s Insta post for this thing says #vibecoding

@shapiro500

No shade if so, I think it’s an awesome little toy.

by tylerrobinson

6/14/2026 at 5:05:31 PM

I don't think I could have vibe coded that.

At the very least, he photographed and built models of logs and his own yard.

by underdeserver

6/14/2026 at 5:22:14 PM

I do a lot of game stuff (professionally and just for fun) and play around with maxing out vibeing little feature samples.

This would be fairly straightforward vibecode over a day or two.

Definitely not to throw shade at the guy. But yea, there is nothing here that wouldn't be easily vibeable.

by jenniferhooley

6/14/2026 at 3:35:50 PM

"in the prevailing AI smog"

How do you know AI was not used in the making of this?

(personally I don't care, the result seems nice to me)

by lukan

6/14/2026 at 3:45:01 PM

This I don't know, but at least the topic is not related!

by wartywhoa23

6/14/2026 at 4:18:45 PM

only a small subset of the HN front page is AI related lol

by jeron

6/14/2026 at 4:22:08 PM

What bizarro world HN are you reading? I'd like the link, please.

by encom

6/14/2026 at 6:21:07 PM

Looking at the front page right now, only about 8 out of 30 are about AI.

by wiml

6/14/2026 at 2:26:53 PM

Looks like its coded by someone who has never split firewood. The challenge is not deciding where to split, its executing the split. Like hitting the same gap if it doesn't split, deciding orientation to aoid knots, figuring out how to put it on end if it wasn't cut straight.

And some of the cuts it allowed me would hit the ax handle on another part, the shock from that damages the ax handle and is painful on the hands.

And then there's the lifting the stuck block by the axe and hitting it axe side down to finish the split instead of pulling the stuck axe out.

So the simulation handles none of the challenges of splitting wood.

by MatthiasWandel

6/14/2026 at 2:47:08 PM

I swear this forum needs to embrace their inner child more some days. My four year old loved this.

Well executed fun.

by bsiverly

6/14/2026 at 5:41:03 PM

Both can be true. It's cool and fun but simulation is a well defined term.

by goosejuice

6/14/2026 at 3:18:32 PM

Yes, but obviously this toy faces a challenge when folks who take this stuff seriously walk by. I immediately want a bungee to put around it so the wood doesn't go everywhere. I also want to split it finer than in quarters. Had to nope out.

by Jgrubb

6/14/2026 at 4:17:40 PM

I think it might be more that folks who take this stuff seriously face a challenge when someone makes a toy about it.

I believe the toy is indifferent to your inability to enjoy it.

by furyofantares

6/14/2026 at 3:54:30 PM

Seems like you know what you want to go build. Can’t wait to see your version on HN soon :)

by bsiverly

6/14/2026 at 2:48:17 PM

The "beer drinking simulator" we all had on our phones in 2010 wasn't a very accurate representation of drinking beer either

by PufPufPuf

6/14/2026 at 3:05:47 PM

Man, don’t ever play Goat Simulator, then. You’ll be all day typing a wall of text about that.

by mikestew

6/14/2026 at 2:47:43 PM

I am shocked that tapping a touchscreen is nothing like splitting wood with an axe.

by nik282000

6/14/2026 at 2:55:33 PM

"So the simulation handles none of the challenges of splitting wood."

Ha ha, that's why we like it.

by JKCalhoun

6/14/2026 at 3:32:24 PM

Experienced wood splitter here. All your points are valid. I had to ruin one perfectly good axe handle before I learned how to swing. However, the sim is still a lot of fun.

by Daub

6/14/2026 at 3:57:37 PM

> I had to ruin one perfectly good axe handle before I learned how to swing.

Is it really that difficult? Maybe my memory is vague, but chopping wood in autumn/fall for the winter just took a bunch of time, and wasn't very fun, but wasn't that bad, especially compared to other things like harvesting veggies stuff where you have to be on the ground. I'm not sure how you'd manage to ruin a axe handle before understanding how to do it well-enough, takes a couple of swings at max.

by embedding-shape

6/14/2026 at 5:41:10 PM

I spent a summer chopping a whole bunch of wood with a steel handled 10 lb maul. Many was the evening where my hand was numb until the morning, but by the end of the summer my shoulders were ripped.

You quickly learn the differences between locust, pine, maple, oak or, god forbid, cherry.

by JackFr

6/14/2026 at 6:12:30 PM

Splitting Eucalyptus and big madrone by hand will test a man.

by Enginerrrd

6/14/2026 at 5:11:40 PM

Same. I've only done it a couple times but it takes minutes to learn and you just get into a rhythm and keep going. It's like peeling potatoes.

I wonder if there's a name for the psychological phenomenon of people doing some trivial blue-collar-ish task and then dramatizing it to make themselves sound like a grizzled old hand.

by roarcher

6/14/2026 at 5:23:49 PM

Have heard this called blue-washing (eg Mike Rowe) when done publicly

by notduncansmith

6/14/2026 at 5:40:52 PM

I once took a sledgehammer to work so everyone could take a turn taking a whack at some old prototypes outside. I came to the sad realization that even hitting a particular spot with a sledgehammer is not an inate skill. If you've never done it, you miss!

by MatthiasWandel

6/14/2026 at 5:10:02 PM

Is it really that difficult?

It’s not, 12 year olds can do it. Ruining an axe handle is not a requirement. I’m not saying humans are born knowing how to swing an axe, but c’mon.

by mikestew

6/14/2026 at 5:41:38 PM

A 12 year old can indeed acquire that skill, but that doesn't mean any adult can do it.

by MatthiasWandel

6/14/2026 at 5:48:39 PM

Some adults indeed can't do it, but that doesn't mean it's difficult.

And it is certainly not "wear out a whole axe handle just to learn to swing" difficult.

by roarcher

6/14/2026 at 5:17:24 PM

>Is it really that difficult?

Fiberglass handles are now standard on splitting mauls (for this reason). Rotten hearts, or driving wedges. It is easy to miss a swing by an inch or two when fatigued.

Edit: I also broke my first axe handle. The sibling comments here are wild.

by aqrit

6/14/2026 at 2:59:26 PM

FYI Tree Simulator is coded by someone who has never been a tree too.

by raincole

6/14/2026 at 3:05:17 PM

Oh you guys are all gonna hate Sim Ant.

by bot403

6/14/2026 at 3:25:33 PM

I might print out this quote and put it on my wall! :-)

"Looks like its coded by someone who has never split firewood. "

by sgarrity

6/14/2026 at 2:47:51 PM

It's obviously not an accurate simulation. I'm sure the creator knows it isn't. Probably the best they could come up with in limited time.

by andix

6/14/2026 at 2:54:08 PM

I don't know if you know this or not, but this is a game.

by idiotsecant

6/14/2026 at 5:00:06 PM

It's perfect because the kind of people who will enjoy it shouldn't be allowed near an axe, anyway.

As someone with a wood stove, for my first few chops I rotated the log to orient the checking. Then it dawned on me that the simulation likely wasn't that sophisticated, and I came here to meet up with you guys.

by alamortsubite

6/14/2026 at 1:26:44 PM

If this triggers your interest in IRL firewood splitting it’s a very meditative and satisfying yard job. Also great mild to moderate workout between the splitting and stacking, especially on a crisp Fall afternoon.

by sklargh

6/14/2026 at 1:47:01 PM

I have a lot of splitting to do right now, and you're welcome to it. I'll only charge a low nominal fee. But let me know before September, because that's when I usually go rent a hydraulic splitter from the local hardware store. Then I spend a very long day splitting so that I can return it the next day.

I've spent a lot of time splitting with a big maul, but for me it's harder that it looks. I've broken two mauls by striking to far. And even with "soft" wood, I have stacks of green rounds that I couldn't split at all, the maul just bounces off. But I'm glad that you enjoy the process, I'd probably enjoy watching you work.

by delichon

6/14/2026 at 2:30:18 PM

If the hydraulic splitter could be electric, so it would not be so loud, I could see that task being meditative. Preferably if the rounds could on a raised platform, so they could just be rolled onto the thing.

Next request, the wood could stack itself somehow.

by bee_rider

6/14/2026 at 2:34:42 PM

as camping is to "glamping," splitting wood is to "sprinkle wood?"

by adm4

6/14/2026 at 2:20:53 PM

This reminded me when we I was a kid we had to split the wood for the whole winter and that was actually a huge job all day or few days and way harder than just a moderate workout.

I hated it then but actually now I miss the time I spend with my father and brother.

by 1dontnkow_

6/14/2026 at 4:12:45 PM

I hated cutting wood, stacking wood, splitting wood, all of it. We ran a potbelly stove in the living room when I was a kid for heat. I hated the stove too.

The only thing I don't miss is rolling a piece of piss elm over to my city living "tough" cousins after two or three pieces of oak and watching the maul just bounce off. Always funny.

by Loughla

6/14/2026 at 1:40:11 PM

Good workout and satisfying, I totally agree. I actually really enjoy it.

But the long term effects on your joints, even if you think you have perfect technique, its better to just get a wood splitter. We can do a whole winters wood in less than a day now, with minimal effort.

by crimsonnoodle58

6/14/2026 at 5:44:18 PM

Gotta agree with you there, log splitters rule. We got a little 4 ton electric one for my mom, and on some pieces it would stall. I thought, what a wimpy thing, but then hitting those pieces it wouldn't split with an axe, I realized, those were really hard to split pieces. Just growing up in the 80s we didn't have one cause my dad didn't believe in them.

by MatthiasWandel

6/14/2026 at 1:58:25 PM

If you're chopping wood in the Fall, I sure hope it's for next year's winter.

by PyWoody

6/14/2026 at 2:24:35 PM

Nope, splitting green wood is much more difficult than splitting dried logs, so I often cut a tree in the spring, stack the rounds, then split those rounds in the fall.

People overestimate how dry wood needs to be to burn correctly. Just have some ultra-dry kindling (seasoned for 2+ years) and you won't have any problems.

On the contrary, I know some folks who let all their wood dry too far, and it burned way too hot and ruined their stove (and almost burned their house down).

by codemonkey-zeta

6/14/2026 at 3:08:43 PM

It’s an equation. If you have dry firewood, you need less of it at once. Some folks don’t understand that.

More water in the wood means less efficient combustion, more smoke and harsher smoke, which may irritate your neighbors downwind, or everyone around on still days.

by cluckindan

6/14/2026 at 3:40:51 PM

Something every pit master learns along the way. People can tell you, you can read about it, but until you actually try using wood of different dryness, they are just words.

by dylan604

6/14/2026 at 3:30:11 PM

Yikes. I hope you got your chimney swept annually.

Seasoned firewood will burn cleaner, longer, and more efficiently.

by PyWoody

6/14/2026 at 2:15:41 PM

Taking a few minutes out of the day to to split some logs to hear your house for your family feels incredibly rewarding and satisfying.

by nickstinemates

6/14/2026 at 3:20:30 PM

[dead]

by Jgrubb

6/14/2026 at 2:05:27 PM

Don't listen to this noise; it fucking sucks, it's kinda dangerous, and it's not at all meditative. It's the exact opposite of meditative. My parents made me do it because they certainly didn't want to, because it sucks. I'm so glad I don't have to split firewood ever again.

If you're looking for a meditative exercise try yoga.

by astura

6/14/2026 at 2:28:18 PM

Well, it's the kind of "meditative" you get when training martial arts forms. It gets good after a few years of preparation; before that, it's not as fun as spars and way less useful than general conditioning.

Coming from a kendo background, when I had to chop firewood for a few years while living in the countryside, I generally focused on accuracy. The swing is completely different than with a sword, and getting the chop to land at the exact spot (I drew lines with a marker) tens of times in a row was very satisfying, but required a lot of conscious effort to get there. It's not trivial to land a chop at the exact spot you want, and it's also quite hard to ensure the axe travels at its fastest exactly at the moment of impact.

It can be fun, but you need to be into things like that in the first place; plus, having to do it no matter the weather and all the other things you need to do can kill all the joy instantly.

by klibertp

6/14/2026 at 2:27:04 PM

It’s also astonishing how much wood needs to be split, to heat even a moderately sized house. Depends on the climate though, I guess.

by bee_rider

6/14/2026 at 2:40:21 PM

And the fireplace / stove.

Most open-hearth fireplaces are tremendously inefficient, not only sending most of the heat up the chimney, but drawing in additional cold air in doing so.

A masonry stove with an external air draw should be far more efficient, and burn much more cleanly to boot. The pollution factor from woodstoves is another major consideration, and means wood-burning is limited in many areas.

by dredmorbius

6/14/2026 at 3:49:50 PM

My dad and his father built the house my family grew up in. The fireplace had two vents on either side of the fire box that drew air from the floor and vented near the ceiling. The ceiling fans in the room would circulate the air in the room. It was the only place I've spent time that a fireplace actually was useful.

by dylan604

6/14/2026 at 2:36:18 PM

You sound like my father when someone mentions green beans

by AaronAPU

6/14/2026 at 1:53:28 PM

The pieces look like they retain the shapes I cut them in when stacked. I started cutting them as pie slices, but then tried a few as parallel chops, and they get stacked in those shapes.

Also interesting is the shadows of leaves that stay consistent on the scene as the pile grows, but they don't appear on the splitting area itself.

Lots of engine noise too, I guess that's the ambience in this person's back yard! Probably true for lots of us.

by yardshop

6/14/2026 at 1:53:01 PM

Half the battle is having the right stance so that you don't accidentally embed the axe in your shin.

by comrade1234

6/14/2026 at 3:23:12 PM

I'm ok that they left that part out.

by oh_my_goodness

6/14/2026 at 1:20:10 PM

This simulates a person far more skilled than me.

I never had to adjust the chunk to get it to sit right, the maul hit exactly where I told it to, and it even stacked itself!

by nZac

6/14/2026 at 2:00:47 PM

Never had the maul get stuck in the wood. Never had the wood fly off the splitting stump.

by bluGill

6/14/2026 at 3:23:52 PM

It does fly off sometimes in the game.

by oh_my_goodness

6/14/2026 at 4:21:18 PM

I didn't see that but I only did a couple before deciding this reminds me too much of work.

by bluGill

6/14/2026 at 4:52:36 PM

It's all very satisfying: the animations, the chopping, the graphics, and the sounds. I spent more time than I should have chopping splitting firewood.

by anon1094

6/14/2026 at 2:49:14 PM

Nothing beats coming home from work, chopping something into pieces, and setting it on fire.

by mac3n

6/14/2026 at 2:28:31 PM

It bothers me that I can split a log in 3 parallel pieces, rotate 90 degrees and then magically can split the middle piece. That's physically difficult! Besides that it was fun.

by cinntaile

6/14/2026 at 4:53:19 PM

Delightful little experience. Very nice. What would be even cooler would be if the axe only went partway down sometimes and then you have to lift the log up with the axe inside a couple of times to finish it off with that satisfying full split.

by adamddev1

6/14/2026 at 5:32:02 PM

I like how it stacks the firewood.

by ryanisnan

6/14/2026 at 2:13:52 PM

That was a satisfying part of my day. Thank you.

by Icons8

6/14/2026 at 1:14:55 PM

What about when you’re splitting a log with a branch and the maul bounces straight back up? Lol

by ab_goat

6/14/2026 at 1:26:28 PM

Beautiful sim. Looks like red oak. As someone who has split a lot of wood, wish it could incorporate more of the struggles of splitting logs.

- missing your spot by 6” or more and creating a tiny shard that goes flying - the log you’re aiming at falling as you are in your backswing - getting your maul stuck halfway down the split

by ab_goat

6/14/2026 at 1:53:05 PM

Could do with a difficulty setting that includes when you inherit someone else's log pile, someone who really enjoyed making every cut on a new and more inventive angle than the last.

Normally a wedge is used to split the wood, but it also doubles as a wedge to be wedged underneath just so you can get the log to stand up.

Also, Y sections (ycombinator mode?). 40 hits later and you might have a nice pile of woodchips, very rarely will it actually split in any clean way.

by andwur

6/14/2026 at 1:26:51 PM

Yeah this needs pieces with knots, and having to swing at least 3 times before the initial split works. Very unrealistic, 3/10. Need some wedge + sledgehammer modes.

Also how do I simulate my shoulder and lower back hurting?

by neogodless

6/14/2026 at 2:53:52 PM

With your additions, it probably could be a really neat mini game to have in a survival-crafting game... Game, so, it doesn’t have to be perfect.

But the axe could wobble a bit, depending on some combination of chopping skill and how tired your guy is (simulating shoulder pain and lower back pain). Number of hits required depends on character strength and how straight on the hits are.

I’m not sure how the game would track the pieces of various sizes, though. I guess this would just be for firewood (building wood might have to be handled separately) so maybe it would be fine to just calculate the volume of each slice and have it provide fuel based on that…

by bee_rider

6/14/2026 at 4:07:53 PM

I think if you sit and play it for 10 hours your lower back will hurt too. It just takes longer.

by bot403

6/14/2026 at 1:40:46 PM

You'll like Spintires.

by jojobas

6/14/2026 at 2:10:26 PM

And MudRunner and SnowRunner as well! Great games (in a sometimes frustrating way).

by KronisLV

6/14/2026 at 4:32:41 PM

Can I have a "Carry Water Simulator" to go with it?

by kwdev

6/14/2026 at 5:37:32 PM

Bug: No error displayed if WebGL is disabled.

by felooboolooomba

6/14/2026 at 2:36:10 PM

This is fun and looks amazing, however there seems to be quite a bit of texture in the out of focus blur. There's also a lot of aliasing on the grass. Also, I think the camera shake could do with a very slight delay after the axe hits, and maybe a slightly slower decay curve.

by 1e1a

6/14/2026 at 1:11:59 PM

That was a fun work out. I was wondering what happened when you "filled" the circle of firewood.

by blackdogie

6/14/2026 at 1:15:57 PM

What happens?

by ralfd

6/14/2026 at 1:27:13 PM

It starts stacking a second circle

by kevmo314

6/14/2026 at 2:32:39 PM

Does it ever end though?

by oytis

6/14/2026 at 3:10:09 PM

No, and that’s what makes it a proper simulator.

by cluckindan

6/14/2026 at 3:58:59 PM

Fun experience, but the forced rotation after a certain number of cuts diminishes it.

by basedbertram

6/14/2026 at 4:03:51 PM

Thankfully there are no knots and it is softwood. Oddly satisfying.

by supertroop

6/14/2026 at 1:18:56 PM

I need a fireplace or bonfire simulator that I can throw these into.

by Waterluvian

6/14/2026 at 4:09:17 PM

There's a ton of non-interactive fireplace simulators on Netflix and YouTube. Especially around Christmas.

by bot403

6/14/2026 at 2:26:28 PM

Fun but hugely unrealistic simulation, so many "bugs":

    - Able to split log into unrealistically thin slices and they remain perfectly upright
    - Split a log into two, rotate 90 degrees, and by some miracle you can split the half further away from you whilst the piece nearest to you doesn't get hit or move an inch
etc.

by traceroute66

6/14/2026 at 2:30:20 PM

You don't understand don't you?

by blueaquilae

6/14/2026 at 2:40:29 PM

great game and very satisfying.

by adm4

6/14/2026 at 3:22:16 PM

Missing the splitting axe getting a little jammed at a knot.

Otherwise excellent.

by davidee

6/14/2026 at 1:42:50 PM

Nice sim, there's one thing missing though: splitting two sections at the same time. It do this all the time as it can almost double splitting speed when dealing with mid-size logs. Split the log in two halves, making sure to keep the halves close together. Rotate around the splitting block by about 60°, split again hitting both halves at the same time. Do this once more and you've split the log into 6 60° sections, a good size for stacking in the fireplace and also a good section size to be able to light a fire. I split between 5 m³ and 7 m³ of firewood per year which is enough to heat our house and cook our food, have been doing this for about 20 years now so I have some experience. The double-split is a good time saver.

by hagbard_c

6/14/2026 at 3:42:47 PM

I'd upvote you twice for your nickname alone, if I could! All hail Eris! :)

by wartywhoa23

6/14/2026 at 1:53:16 PM

This works amazingly well on my iPhone with obvious touch controls.

Very impressive.

by MBCook

6/14/2026 at 3:53:01 PM

But why?

by kiriberty

6/14/2026 at 5:39:40 PM

Because

by Aboutplants

6/14/2026 at 1:11:23 PM

The momentum on the camera spin is very annoying. Really cool though

by alansaber

6/14/2026 at 1:17:34 PM

That and the fact that you can rotate w/ left click as well. Turns out I naturally drag the mouse a little. So having rotate on right click only would be way less annoying, especially when combined with the momentum.

by tharkun__

6/14/2026 at 3:11:20 PM

But then it wouldn’t work on a touchscreen, and it wouldn’t go viral.

by albumen

6/14/2026 at 12:59:07 PM

Feels very satisfying

by daakni

6/14/2026 at 2:50:55 PM

I spent too much time on this.

by makach

6/14/2026 at 2:26:36 PM

Very infuriating, why does it rotate when i want to split it thinner

by kubasienki

6/14/2026 at 2:13:50 PM

Quite realistic. Could be more realistic still if you could chop two blocks at once.

by ETH_start

6/14/2026 at 2:41:38 PM

good exercise!

by KillerRAK

6/10/2026 at 5:12:04 AM

Very cool sim!

by stevenalowe

6/14/2026 at 1:15:11 PM

Honestly I'm more fascinated by the grass around, but I haven't played games in a long time.

by olalonde

6/14/2026 at 6:20:44 PM

[dead]

by MagicMoonlight

6/14/2026 at 12:56:57 PM

[dead]

by horticulturist

6/10/2026 at 5:37:33 AM

[dead]

by __xwd__

6/14/2026 at 1:27:37 PM

Chop wood, carry water.

by cody_ellingham